I reserve a special kind of sneer for people like Tim Kreutschmer, Michael McLendon, Cho Seung-Hui and the likes of them who, being inexplicably fed up with the state of their apparently miserable lives, find a dire need to go on a shooting spree, killing dozens of people who probably have done them no wrong in their lives. These people always eventually turn the gun on themselves, most likely seeing their own death as some sort of a glorious escape and a resounding statement of their angst and individualism against this wrongful world.

Cold-blooded as I may sound, I can never find it within me to summon up any sort of sympathy for these killers. I may empathize, because, who hasn't at any point found that there is too much that is wrong with the world? But no matter the circumstances, I can see no reasonable explanation for such ruthless acts. The media too often portrays the perpetrators as withdrawn, anti-social individuals who lacked the human touch, hence creating a conducive environment for violent fantasies. Invariably, someone will come out after the incident to say "if only I had reached out to him...".

Unfortunately, in my opinion, such acts are but the extremely violent equivalent of a whiny homeless drunkard berating about the unfairness of society to people like him, the marginalised. No one should have to take responsibilty for anyone else's actions - if you are a homeless drunkard, chances are, you blew your rent on alchohol, and no one has hired you because you're never sober enough to go for an interview. Similarly, the vengeful individuals are such because they've spent their life indoors, stewing over the injustices life has dished them, instead of out in the sun playing some soccer.

But as we arrive at the generation that has somehow been taught to pinpoint all wrong on everything but themselves, I do think that sadly, we will only see more of such cases.

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1:50 PM

Actually, it’s been a pretty disillusioning IHG for me, not that there was much illusion hanging around to begin with. It truly is frustrating watching teams that train so hard get quashed against teams that that do not much more than just entice players into their hall based on facilitative advantages of whatever sort. Of course, with all the achievements of the said halls comes the natural element of superiority. Undoubtedly, the IHGs are the pinnacle of hall life experience, and the halls who do well in them usually find themselves in abundance of roaring hall spirit, which then paves the way for an assortment of other accomplishments in the other aspects of hall life.

I hope it doesn’t sound like sour grapes, because it’s not. Despite everything, I am proud of my hall, and everything we achieve is that much more special because we work for it. It’s just that I can’t help but be a little frustrated with the unevenness of the playing field. Being the idealist that I am, I have certain ideas of what constitutes a team, and a team merely made out of a pool of talented people put together offends me a bit.

But life, as they say, is unfair. Unless you sit pretty at the top of the pack, any fairness you hope for will have to be hard fought for.

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4:52 PM

No pictures yet, just me and my words.

The softball season came to a close today, with a rather disappointing result of 9 -7. Proud as I may be of the team who made it from nothing all the way to the finals, the Karpov quote haunts me everytime I think about the game. If you are not first, it means you have lost. It's an extremely frustrating feeling to come within smelling distance of the coveted gold, and have it robbed from right under you. No matter what people say, the silver medal just does not carry quite the same ring to it.
And that's the problem with team sports. After a loss, I'm never quite sure where to channel my frustration and anger, so I'm always inclined to blame myself, and usually for a good reason. If I had pitched better, if I had batted better, if I had fielded better, and there are a hundred ifs that serve only to remind me of what I failed to do. Of course, as with most things in life, the game is over, and I can only wait to redeem myself the next season.

Nevertheless, ignoring the emo-rant of the above paragraphs, I am still exceedingly proud of our little team who, six months ago, came together as a mish-mash of random people with random CCA backgrounds, and along our journey through the IHG, forged a team out of nothing. Our silver medal is backed by our sweat, blood, and bruises, and it's something we should all be very proud of.

Hall 15, hit run score!

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7:52 PM

So the inter-hall game season is gradually coming to a close. It's been one hell of a ride, and I'm still reeling from the December days, where there was not much more to life than 打球吃饭冲凉睡觉，打球吃饭冲凉睡觉。Tiring as those days were with sun exposure of approximately 6 hours per day on average, it was pretty simple. There was little to worry about, and each exhausting day just ended with a cold shower and a good night's sleep.

It's always been one of my biggest regrets that I've never properly committed myself to a CCA that I actually cared about. I've never known what it was to work every sinew in your body toward a single, simple goal. Perhaps it was the team - we never even broke out of the zone, much less reach any sort of goal. Perhaps it was just me, that I didn't bother. But I'm always deeply envious when I watch movies like Facing the Giants, or A League of Their Own. It'll always hit a raw spot of mine, that I'll never have something from my younger days that I can look back on with so much pride and nostalgia. Even Jessica's stories about her softball team, much as I love hearing about them, make me a little bitter, because it's exactly what I hope I had. All the gruelling trainings, overseas training trips, and a whole whirlwind journey that leads right up to the championships, where everything seems to fade away in comparison.

I may be too much of an idealist, because I don't know if I would even have the discipline to push myself through the rigours should such an opportunity arise. But damn it would be nice if, say 50 years from now, from my attic, I pull out a faded picture of my team from decades ago, posing on the field after the championships, and the memories all come flooding back.

I wish I could go back in time.

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2:32 PM

So 2009 is here, and along with it comes the nostalgia of the year that seems to have sped past without so much as a peep, and the forgettable resolutions that are made simply because it's the new year.

I begin each year by regretting how blasé the past year has been, and always resolve to make the coming year count for more than a blur of semesters, holidays, semesters and then holidays again. After all, each year that passes is one year checked off your total lifespan, and I'm not too keen on spending too large a portion of my life watching hilarious YouTube videos. Especially now that I leave my teenage years behind and begin my life as a supposed young adult, there seems to be a ticking clock inside of me that urges me to seize the moments that I have now, to maximise the remainder of my fleeting youth. I feel like I should be sky-diving, bungee jumping, running marathons and doing various other strenuous activities as much as I can, before the day comes that I can't. Somehow the notion of getting old terrifies me, and so I feel a pressing need to make every second that I have left as a "young person" count for something. Every moment should be bursting with energy and vitality, which apparently are the two pillars of youth-dom.

So every year my new year begins with such zest and enthusiasm, but it takes no more then 3 days for it to all whittle away, and I'm back in front of the computer, channelling all my vitality and youth into laughing heartily at the latest YouTube gimmick.

Happy New Year, all!!

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1:39 AM

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9:33 AM

WILL THE EXAMS JUST BE OVER ALREADY.


please?

scribbled
8:17 AM

For the skeptics who might have problems believing in my ability to adhere to my curriculum-related-only vow, I have attached the following document that is the very result of my hard day at work.

scribbled
1:27 AM

Because I have taken an isolation vow against all non-curriculum related pastimes, all entries up to the 28th of November are going to be exam/studying related.

Being an engineering student, I am always intimidated by how heavy the percentage of the final exams on my eventual grades are. They never stray below 70%. It's somewhat frustrating that an entire semester of studying, assuming if you are a diligent and concientious student, if not, then two whole weeks of solid cramming, culiminates in a two and a half hour period, where you attempt to answer 4 maddeningly ambiguous questions. If anything were to go wrong during this pinnacle, you can pretty much expect to kiss your grades goodbye.

But, being under the thumb of the NTU administration, you are left with no option but to, as we call it, suck thumb.

1 down, 4 to go.

scribbled
3:20 PM

Mother: Why do you have three watches on your arm?
Me: I'm bringing them all to school, in case one spoils.
Mother: You don't study for your exam, but you're prepared for watch breakdowns. I think mechanism failures are the least of your concerns.


Someone tell me I have issues, please.

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11:57 AM

Dear Dean of the Student Affairs' Office,

This is an appeal from Tham Jia Yin, Sarah (Matriculation Number 071213E15), to schedule further exams such that they do not clash with the monsoon season. This is because during the monsoon season, students are unable to focus properly on their schoolwork. Hence, the exams become pointless if students are unable to display the full prowess of their knowledge. As if studying for subjects like circuits and electronics are not sufficiently unappealing by themselves, during the monsoon season, students have to battle off the urge to curl up in their nice warm bed while the wind howls and the rain pours outside. To have to make such a choice is a crime against humanity. In order to uphold the good name of Nanyang Technological University as a world-class university that produces world-class students, I hope that you are able to seriously consider my suggestion.

I look forward to receiving your reply soon.

Your considerate student,
Sarah Tham

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3:37 PM

Gold 90.50fm PWNS. I have the deep, soothing and melodious timeless classics of Barry Manilow for a studying partner. You have the head-banging trash of the latest hippie band not worth two cents in their musical talent.

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12:07 AM

It's been amazing, this journey we're on. Each day, I wake up to find perfection before my eyes, and I can't believe I'm holding on to its hands.


It's a good thing the road before us is long enough for me to fathom this beauty.

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11:49 AM

I do love early mornings, especially after a thunderously good rainstorm the night before. When I left NTU for church at 7.00 am this morning, the whole campus was cloaked with mist, and it was beautiful. I couldn't see 100m ahead of me, and I almost missed my bus because I didn't see it coming. But I loved it. I loved inhaling the crisp, clean air, I loved that my fingernails were a little blue-ish from the cold, I loved that there were no cars and nobody around at all. It was a beautiful, beautiful day.

Maybe in light of the economic crisis, I should just buy a kampung somewhere and live like this the rest of my life. Wake up early, walk barefooted on fields covered with dew, feed chickens, have Ya Kun for breakfast, read the papers, do some chores, and go to bed at 10pm. Yes, I could live like this.

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9:16 PM

Random thought of the day:

Answer me if you came from a girls' school. Were you ever told by your principals/teachers not to run along the corridors, but skip instead?

Why on earth?

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11:53 PM

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5:28 PM

Is it just me who can never sit down and begin studying right away? I always have to dawdle a stipulated amount of time before I actually open up my books and start work.

I come home from church, I take off my socks, I sit on the sofa staring at a blank TV. Then I get up, eat a cup of yoghurt, and go to my room. I turn on my computer, I run my anti-virus, I check my facebook account, I check my NTU e-mail account (and I never check my NTU e-mail account), and I visit a few lame websites. Then I begin to tidy my table, after which I cut my fingernails. I go to pee, I come back, and I sit awhile and stare out the window at the jungle.

And THEN I begin my work.

No, wait, I blog about all this first, and then I go and try to begin my work.

scribbled
4:29 PM

Everytime I promise to update regularly, I...er..don't, so I don't think I should bother promising again cos I just...er...won't.

Anyway, the Olympics are ending soon, and although I promised to boycott it, I...er...didn't. I think I may have trust issues. But I'm glad I didn't boycott it, because it's been a spectacular Olympics. And it felt cool to understand both languages that the commentators were speaking in, which was not the case for Athens 2004. Made me feel like half a China-ese. Then our China spree purchases went and won a medal, which made me feel totally China-ese.

But sadly, I think no matter how many sprees we go on, the foreign talents are always just that - foreign. Something seems to be missing from their euphoria. There just isn't quite that chest-thumping, I-did-it-for-my-country patriotism in their victories which you see in the other countries' atheletes.

If a country like Jamaica, who has less people than Singapore, can produce their own super atheletes, why can't we? Oh yah. Because in Jamaica, to become an athelete, you're not forsaking your University degree and the chance to drive a Mercedes, live in a bungalow, and have a maid.

TV station people: Will you let your child become a professional athelete?
Random mother: Depends on how well the government pays, and whether the government will provide well for her after she retires from the sport.

All the mothers keep harping on Tan Howe Liang's case. Apparently, if you win a medal for your country, you should just be rewarded with lifetime welfare services, and sit around scratching your balls all the remaining days of your life.


Singaporean mothers are the best. Always make me laugh one.

scribbled
9:35 PM

Goodbye Toa Payoh.


(And sorry lu for stealing your idea)

scribbled
11:30 PM

My Wikipedia topic for today (and yesterday): The Munich Massacre

I cannot imagine the tension of the whole situation, sitting by the TV watching the whole tragedy unfurl. And I have an even harder time trying to fathom that this whole event is taking place somewhere else on this Earth, that's how unthinkable the whole thing is.

And I could go on about how the kinappers of the Israeli atheletes are bozos, and how their countrymen and governments are greater bozos for giving them heroes' funerals and eventually heroes' welcome to the surviving three, and how the German police are the greatest bozos of them all, but I don't want to be arrested.

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2:00 PM

Am I wrong to find it bloody annoying that I cannot watch the sunset properly on the bus home everyday because there are bloody establishments blocking the half the bloody sky every bloody where?


Thank you. I needed to get that out of my system.

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10:32 PM

The economy is booming, unemployment rates are plunging, job opportunities are soaring, average starting salaries are on the rise, and yet, every week I deal with aunties lugging enormous sacks of tidbits at my gate. And they've walked from gate to gate in the sun, selling three packets of the tidbits for ten dollars, and are probably more often than not, getting doors slammed in their faces. Though the tidbits are always a little soggy, I can never help but buy them, as if it helps the income gap any. So while the flashy young executives and expatriates are rolling in money and strutting around importantly, the older generation are left to knock on their doors and plead with them to buy some snacks. Unless, of course, they attend the necessary upgrading courses to keep themselves "relevant". And who did question their relevance while they were toiling to build the nation today?

It's ironic then, that the men and women who built the engines of Singapore's rocket-like growth, are now left to eat the dust of their own hands.

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11:29 PM

I do love driving in Singapore. It is possibly the only place in the world that allows me to drive my Nissan side by side with a Lamborghini Spyder along the expressway. The ride home gave me ample time to snigger at the aviator-shades-wearing douchebag in the Lambo, while feeling 200,000 dollars richer than him.

It would make more sense to me to spend the money on a luxury car than on a sports car. Since I have to travel at 80km/h, I'd want to travel in velvety comfort, and not hunched over like a foetus in a low-as-heck sports car.

But then I wouldn't be able to flex my muscles and my mirror-perfected deep-in-thought frown at all the ladies on the road. And that would be a real shame, because, of course, everybody looks at me.

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12:24 AM

It's always fun to see what foreigners think of Singapore.

The little bag that you get your Kopi-o in when you tell the aunty tah pao becomes, to a British, "A SANDWICH BAG WITH HANDLES!!!!!".

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4:22 PM

This feels like the longest weekend I've ever had, and not in the good way.

I must have been insane.

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8:21 PM

A captured man, trained in guerrilla warfare in Afghanistan, supposedly has bomb-making knowledge, has escaped from captivity twice, has access to fake passports and knows back doors to the regional states. If such a captured man were to escape (for the third time), where would he be? Apparently, our Intelligence believes, still hanging around the Whitley Road area where he took off, huddling under some unturned stone. Reported in Channel News Asia on Thursday evening, more than 24 hours after the escape of Mas Selamat, "soldiers and police are focusing on the area near the Internal Security Department Detention Centre off Whitley Road". Thankfully, on Friday, someone within the Bureau possessed the good sense to expand the search coverage to other areas, and put up an International notice on Interpol. But still the question remains, where would he be?

It would appear that it isn't such a small world after all.

scribbled
5:40 PM

Thankfully, my wound has toned down from making me want to drive my head into the wall to being a little swollen lump at the back of my mouth. It's not particularly comfortable, but I can live with it. In any case, it's a vast improvement from the sensation of a power drill powering its way through my gums.

Yay for platelets!

scribbled
1:19 AM

There's nothing particularly wise about a wisdom tooth. It's sole purpose in life is to grow in your mouth, cause a lot of problems, annoy you so much that you decide to pull it out, and then make you suffer immense pain in the process.

Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow.

scribbled
3:30 PM

Today, some technical glitches with my iPod led me to scour several Apple forums for advice, and I noticed one thing:

Apple users complain about problems with their products in the exact same way a fat ten-year-old brat from a filthy rich family bitches about an imperfect meal to his lowly maid.

1. Apple really needs to get their butts in gear and fix this fast - this is totally unacceptable and I will take my iPod back if it's not resolved within a month. (Take it back? Who's going to take it from you?)
2. hey apple get you act together and sort this out! We’re not going back to the bad old days are we? (Hey dude, get you English learnt properly!)

And the list goes on...

I guess that's what happens when you try to make toys for the children at heart.

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7:51 PM

Ah Meng has died, and brought with her my childhood. Slowly, pieces of my childhood are whittling away. The ice-cream man used to ride into my estate and ring his bell, driving all the little children wild. The only handheld game used to be tetris. Pagers used to be the coolest accesories. Evening entertainment used to be cycling round and round the estate. Saturday activities used to be a trip to the pool. Gundam cartoons used to rule. Bus cards used to be filmsy pink things. Air-conditioned buses used to be a rarity. But now?

Now, cousins-bonding activities over the New Year comprise mainly of Nintendo-Wii-playing.

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1:12 AM

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2:49 AM

I've been Google-ing Chinese New Year superstitions and taboos, and it's astonishing how many there are. From the ones I've been told from young, to the downright bizarre.

In order of my awareness of them:
1. Children and unmarried friends, as well as close relatives are given ang paos, little red envelopes with crisp dollar bills inserted, for good fortune.
2. Red clothing is preferred for Chinese New Year. Red is considered to be a bright and happy color, sure to bring the wearer a sunny and bright future. It is believed that appearance and attitude during New Year's sets the tone for the rest of the year.
3. Sweeping or dusting should not be done on New Year's Day for fear that good fortune will be swept away.
4. The baring of the use of knives and forks on New Year's Day as this may cut off fortune.
5. After New Year's Day, the floors may be swept. Beginning at the door, the dust and rubbish are swept to the middle of the parlor, then placed in the corners and not taken or thrown out until the fifth day. At no time should the rubbish in the corners be trampled upon. Also, to sweep the dust and dirt out of your house by the front entrance is to sweep away the good fortune of the family; it must always be swept inwards and then carried out, then no harm will follow.
6. It is considered unlucky to greet anyone in their bedroom so that is why everyone, even the sick, should get dressed and sit in the living room.
7. On New Year's Day, we are not supposed to wash our hair because it would mean we would have washed away good luck for the New Year.

While I'm not one for superstition, I still try my best to adhere to these traditions, aside from the not washing hair thing, because that's just weird. It's just that I'm starting to appreciate my being Chinese, and I think it'll be sad if all these traditions that have been passed down over the centuries get lost in transit between my mother's generation and mine. As a Chinese, I need to protect my culture, my identity.

I hear the Communist Party is recruiting.

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3:13 AM

And now some idiot has taken it into his head to challenge the definition of husband and wife.

Very nice.

scribbled
6:11 PM

Blogging from my Business Law tutorial, while the class tries to discuss bribery.

I hate the system of awarding points based on class participation. The end result is that some of your fellow University mates manage to come up with some of the most high-grade crap I have ever heard. Nabeh you don't want to go home people want to go home one okay.

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6:02 PM

Truth be told, I don't know where it's going, but I can't get out.

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2:28 AM

Two days ago, a madness seized me, and I decided that Saturday evening was a good time to make my virgin foray into Chinatown. Needless to say, the massive crowd left me dumbfounded. As I battled hard and long for my own breathing space, I tried to take in the atmosphere of it all. Between standing on a bench to watch a wayang, and peeping through a small hole to watch a movie the old-school-cinema way, I've decided that it's fun being Chinese.

But I wonder for how long more will these traditions hold out. Mickey Mouse is starting to make it's debut on the Chinese New Year paraphernalia.

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2:57 PM

It's been a while since I've gone hoarse from cheering. I think the last time might have been at the St. Margaret's Speech Day for the graduating class of 2004. Dressed in our Hogwarts-worthy graduation gown, we cheered the house down in celebration of our accomplishments. Towards the end of the evening, not one of us could complete a sentence without our voices breaking. When they closed the ceremony with the school song, it sounded like a cacophony of frogs. But it was beautiful, because it was OUR speech day.

Three years later, my vocal chords got their exercise again, at the inter-hall cheerleading competition. In my opinion, all of them bungee-jumping, stunt-bike-riding and skateboard-skating punks can go to hell - cheerleading is the most extreme sport of them all. Of course, after having been systematically whipped in the Hall Games, it's nice to come out tops for once.

GO HALL 15!

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1:49 AM